Sometimes, I have no idea what I’m doing.
No idea, whatsoever.

Actually, more often than sometimes, a lot of times.

Now, seeing as I’ve had no experience at being me before, and everyday is a new day, why does the realisation that I’m without a clue come as such a disheartening shock?

Because I’m a mum and I’m supposed to be the expert. And experts know stuff.

Stuff like:

– Why my baby is crying: “I’m worried I could have a low breast milk supply.”
“Don’t worry, it’s supply and demand.”
“She’s been demanding every two hours for three months.”
“Don’t worry, it’s supply and demand….”

– How to dress the children properly: “Isn’t she cold in that?” (Same day, different person) “Look at those rosy cheeks, she looks a bit too warm.”

– What to feed them: “Oh, you don’t offer your baby cumquat? The book says to offer them a wide range of foods.”
“I’m never going to find a cumquat, or ever serve them again so……”
“Yeah but the book says…”

– How to discipline them:
“You must be consistent, but remember you’ve just had a baby so she’ll be acting out more, so go a bit easier on her.
“How much easier and how can I tell when I need to go back to being consistent?”
” …….. ”

Honestly, I beat myself up and get the mummy guilts because my children are so innocent and deserve the best. It’s not their fault I’m a noob and make mistakes. It’s not their fault I have to learn as I go.

But it’s not my fault either. So do you know what I do? I laugh.
Sometimes, I see the cruel irony and laugh – right in it’s face.

I actually laugh a lot. It gets me through.
I’ll even look for things to laugh at, even just to distract myself from the overwhelming ‘drowning’ sensation that frequently takes over.
People who are happy, laugh a lot. And people who laugh a lot are happy.

Well, in my opinion anyway.

Sometimes, I actively try to see the humour in things (when my sleep deprived brain allows) because, well, what else can you do when your eyes are red from lack of sleep, the baby has decided she needs to be held all day, the toddler acts like she’s starving but won’t eat anything you offer, and amidst cleaning up the toddler’s rejected food and dealing with the baby’s refusal to be put down you step in misplaced cat pee – repeating at dinner time – and fall into bed completely exhausted and feeling rotten?

After a bit of prayer and a deep breath, I’ll look through the humour board on Pinterest for example, and chuckle at some parenting memes. And yes, cat memes. Animals in general really. And funny babies. And anything that makes me laugh at it all.

Anything that tickles my funny bone.

Sometimes I’m out of my depth. And it’s ok.

And sometimes,

just sometimes,

being completely lost – even with the maps of life right in front of you – is absolutely hilarious.



2 thoughts on “Sometimes…

  1. Always Jac, since I had my kids and had lots of counselling due to PND I say, and repeat after me, DO NOW TAKE ON THE GUILT, it is the best advice I have ever been given and the only advice I try to pass on to any Mum, at any time. C xxxxx

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